In This article

• Postpartum depression affects fathers as well as mothers, and symptoms in dads are more common than many people realize.
• Qualitative studies show fathers often feel unprepared, overwhelmed, and powerless when they cannot soothe or “fix” their baby’s distress.
• Many dads experience identity loss, relationship strain, and isolation, particularly when they feel excluded from the mother–baby bond.
• Masculine norms can make it harder for fathers to express vulnerability, leading distress to show up as irritability, anger, or withdrawal instead of sadness.
• Effective help is available, including therapy, medication when appropriate, and father-focused resources such as Postpartum Support International’s “Help for Dads” programs.

Father’s Day is coming up on Sunday, June 21st.  This is a great time to highlight the important role that fathers play in the family and the mental health challenges new fathers may experience.  Fathers can and do experience postpartum depression.  Because the experience of depression is colored by the tumultuous transition to parenthood, the symptoms may look different from what we typically see when depression occurs at other times in a man’s life. 

Postpartum depression in fathers is more common than many people realize. Estimates suggest that about 8–10% of fathers experience depressive symptoms during the first year after a child is born, with some studies reporting even higher rates when maternal depression is also present. The risk tends to peak between 3 and 6 months postpartum, a period when sleep deprivation, stress, and shifting roles are often most intense. Despite this, paternal postpartum depression remains underrecognized and underdiagnosed, in part because screening and support are typically focused on mothers.

Most of these studies on PPD in fathers use screening tools like the EPDS and PHQ to identify depression. While these may be reliable tools for identifying individuals with depression, they focus more on generic signs and symptoms and give less information on what individuals with depression actually experience. 

Qualitative studies provide a more nuanced understanding of how depression manifests in men during the transition to parenthood, highlighting themes of distress, disconnection, and internal conflict. The quotes below are drawn from qualitative studies of fathers’ lived experiences of postpartum depression.

Not Feeling Prepared

Many fathers enter parenthood feeling unprepared for the realities of caring for an infant. This lack of preparedness becomes especially apparent in moments of distress, where uncertainty quickly escalates into panic. As one father explained, “I don’t know what I’m doing… every time he started to cry I’d freak out… why is he crying, what’s wrong.”

Others similarly described a pervasive sense of confusion and self-doubt: “I don’t know what I am doing… Did I make a mistake?” and “I never know what I’m supposed to do.” These experiences reflect not only a lack of practical knowledge but also a deeper sense of being emotionally unready for the demands of caregiving.

Expectations vs. Reality

The transition to fatherhood is often described as more emotionally challenging than expected. Many fathers report a stark mismatch between expectations and reality:
“It’s a radical change that you just can’t imagine.”
“Nobody tells you how hard it really is… because then there wouldn’t be any more children born into this world.”
“All of these false fantasies… It’s not what you think.”

Fathers frequently enter parenthood with expectations shaped by their own upbringing and a desire to be more present and involved. When these expectations collide with the intensity and unpredictability of infant care, they can feel disoriented, with confidence quickly giving way to distress.

Feelings of Inadequacy and Powerlessness

A pervasive sense of inadequacy and helplessness emerges when fathers feel unable to soothe or to effectively care for their infant. These experiences are often accompanied by guilt and self-criticism:
“When [my daughter] became upset… I felt the frustrations building up… I simply couldn’t do it… and then I felt guilty… I’m not even good at that.”

Fathers questioned their competence and their new role as parent: “I feel like I’m doing something wrong,” “Why am I here… I feel useless,” and “I want to help, and I don’t always feel like I can.”

For some, the inability to “fix” the problem is particularly distressing: “There was nothing to fix… and sometimes that just makes it worse.” 

Even when motivated to be involved, fathers often felt excluded or undermined: “I enjoy getting involved… but my partner… tends to take over… she seems to feel that I can’t do it properly.”

Feeling Overwhelmed by Demands

Fathers frequently describe feeling overwhelmed by the cumulative demands of new parenthood. Sleep deprivation, work responsibilities, and caregiving demands create a relentless sense of pressure:
“The first three to six months were… very nerve-wracking… we were definitely sleep-deprived.”
“[Felt like I was] losing my mind and just under a lot of stress.”

Many described the experience as unrelenting, what one father called a “non-stop-ness of stress.” Fathers also felt pressure to support their partner while attempting to manage their own exhaustion. Concerns about functioning added to this burden: “What happens when we go back to work?… How am I going to get enough sleep to be able to function?” This accumulation of stress can leave fathers feeling stretched beyond capacity, with little opportunity to recover.

Strain in the Relationship

Relationship strain is common during this transition. Fathers describe increased conflict, miscommunication, and emotional distance:
“[We’re] always arguing and blaming each other for everything.”
“Arguing… about the littlest thing… we would be at each other’s throats.”
“[There is] a lot of stress on the marriage… emotionally being shut down and unavailable.”

Some fathers feel excluded from the mother–infant bond, which can intensify feelings of resentment and disconnection:
“I’m just a service organ… this is not a 50/50 baby. This is actually a 95/5 baby.”
“I feel totally unimportant… what is it that my role is then?”
“Baby and mom are kind of growing together and becoming this . . . new unit . . . [while fathers are] on the outside looking in.” 

Change in or Loss of Identity

Becoming a father often involves a profound shift in identity. Some men experience this as a loss of their previous sense of self:
“One moment you’re yourself, and then the next moment… you’re responsible for this small child.”
“I found myself losing myself… in the role of being a father.”
“I’m never going to be the person who I was before… Took me a long time to reconcile that.”

The loss of autonomy and connection to previous roles can be particularly difficult: “Part of my happiness is working… [being] isolated from it… made it very difficult.”

Isolation and Disconnection

Many fathers report feeling isolated during the postpartum period. They often lack opportunities to share their experiences and may feel excluded from available support systems:
“Just even having someone to talk to about the stressors [would help].”
“There’s not a lot of… other men who are really able or willing to discuss this.”

Even within their relationship with their partner, fathers may feel emotionally disconnected, reinforcing the sense that they are navigating these challenges alone. One father notes, “It’s all about mom, she’s busy with the baby, doesn’t have time for my needs.”

Discomfort Expressing Negative Emotions

Fathers often struggle to acknowledge or express ambivalent or negative feelings about parenthood. These emotions may feel unacceptable or shameful:
“It’s supposed to be great… so you can’t talk about finding it difficult.”
“I was ashamed in wanting to admit I’m struggling.”

Some described deeply conflicted feelings, with one father commenting, “hate is a strong word but… I sort of hated my child… I also didn’t.” 

Masculine Role Expectations

Traditional masculine norms can shape how fathers interpret and respond to distress. Expectations to remain strong, composed, and supportive can discourage vulnerability and help-seeking. Fathers may feel that admitting distress is incompatible with their role, leading them to internalize symptoms rather than seek support.
“I think… it is hard, as a man, to ask for help… [men] are supposed to be big and strong and take care of everything.”
“Men don’t consult a doctor… until [things are severe]… to admit ‘I have PPD’… many men would see that as a giant failure.”

Others reflected on coping styles shaped by these norms: “Take it on the chin and just get on with it… which in retrospect has not been the best way.” These expectations can discourage help-seeking and reinforce emotional suppression. 

For some fathers, going back to work became a way to manage negative emotions and feelings of helplessness:

“I mostly used work to escape [. . .] because I knew that I would come back home to a screaming kid and a moody wife.” 

“The only place I actually feel good is when I am at work.” 

Emotional Dysregulation: Irritability and Anger

Depression in fathers often manifests as irritability, frustration, and anger rather than sadness. Emotional responses can escalate quickly, particularly in response to infant distress. One father described, “my daughter wouldn’t settle and I just started shouting at her… I just can’t get her to calm down.”

Another noted how quickly distress intensified: “every time he started to cry I’d freak out.” These reactions are often accompanied by shame and concern about losing control, highlighting how depression may present as emotional volatility rather than withdrawal.

Not Knowing Where to Find Help

Even when fathers recognize that they are struggling, many do not know where to find help. Perinatal mental health resources are often oriented toward mothers, leaving fathers uncertain about the availability of mental health services for partners.

• “I was unaware of what it [postpartum depression] was, and no one prepared me for it from the very beginning.”

Fathers reported that lack of awareness was a key barrier, noting the need for better education and inclusion: a lack of information about paternal mental health and available resources “acted as a major barrier to accessing help.” Many expressed a desire for more guidance and support during the perinatal period.

Maternal Postpartum Depression: Similar Yet Different

Looking at fathers’ lived experiences of postpartum depression, the symptoms they describe are not fundamentally different from those reported by mothers. Both parents often enter the postpartum period with high expectations of what parenthood will feel like, only to find themselves overwhelmed and unprepared for how physically and emotionally demanding it can be. Both describe a lack of space or permission to express negative emotions, leaving them to manage distress on their own, often accompanied by guilt and shame. Feelings of isolation and disconnection are also common to both mothers and fathers.

Where differences may emerge is in how distress is expressed. While there is considerable variation, men are often less likely to outwardly express sadness or vulnerability. Instead, emotional distress may present through irritability, withdrawal, or attempts to manage or suppress difficult feelings through other coping strategies.

Mental Health Support for Fathers

Mental health support for fathers is increasingly recognized as a critical part of perinatal care, but many men still feel overlooked or unsure where to turn. Evidence-based treatments such as individual therapy, couples therapy, and medication can be just as effective for fathers as they are for mothers. Support from partners, family, and peers can also make a significant difference, especially when fathers are encouraged to talk openly about their experiences rather than “toughing it out” alone.

Specialized organizations now offer resources tailored specifically to new fathers. Postpartum Support International (PSI) provides a range of father-focused supports, including a dedicated “Help for Dads” page, online support groups for fathers, and a free, bilingual helpline (1-800-944-4773) where dads can get information and referrals for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. 

—Ruta Nonacs, MD PhD